Surfing is corporate. This statement will shock precisely no one. After positioning itself as anti-establishment in its formative years, surfing very much is the establishment now. The World Surf League, surfing’s professional governing body, has tucked sponsorships into every nook and cranny of its events. These days the only difference between a stock car and a surfer is that a surfer can go both left AND right. And, like every other enterprise that thrives on a cubical farm workforce and fancy acronyms that are all short for “how much money we made,” if these sponsorships do not produce positive results, then they are banished to a remote pasture in a faraway land sponsored by Gotcha.
Let’s hear it from one horse still neighing and braying in the Gotcha Pasture of Rad Days Gone By, MCD (More Core Division, for those of you that did not grow up being optically assaulted by this brand in the 90s): “The brand arose from the need to have a product line destined to the elite of the surf world, and its behavior outside the standards of the time.” I demand my logoed t-shirt be ELITE and refuse to conform to standards! I don’t want my clothing to simply protect my body from the elements; it must have a fucking DESTINY.
This is the gobbledygook mindset you can expect from any large business: it does not matter if you are an elite surfer, as long as you look like an elite surfer. Who makes your clothing is supposed to mean something. As if wearing a gray tee from Hurley says any more about me than the same gray tee from Target at a quarter of the price.
All it takes is one look inside of a surf shop to confirm that it is much more profitable to sell the idea of surf culture rather than the act itself. The profit margin for apparel and accessories is much higher than for surfboards and surf accessories, which is reflected in the product footprint of nearly every shop. In the corporate surf world, it does not matter if Kelly Slater’s surfing has any greater impact on you outside of increasing your desire to buy more Quiksilver swag.
Being a business behemoth requires capitalizing on every revenue stream possible, selling your soul for the sake of pocket lining partnerships. There are people at the WSL who are equal parts smarter, greedier, and better at surfing than I am. Which is why I am shocked that they missed one gigantic opportunity: A food sponsorship.
Before we dive deeper, let’s make sure we get properly stoked with this BRAND ANNOUNCEMENT post from the WSL blog:
“The 2019 CT is set to be the biggest year in surfing yet with incredible partnerships, broadcast innovations, the launch of WSL Studios, equal prize money and the WSL Women’s Initiative.”
Oh yeah, that’s the #branding content I have come to expect from the WSL. Don’t lead with the equal prize money, WSL Women’s Initiative, or, Poseidon forbid, the actual surfing as the reasons to be most excited about the WSL in 2019 – tell me about the brands! It’s impossible to have broadcast innovations without enhanced product placement. We are maybe two years away from Strider making calls from inside a floating Jeep Grand Cherokee.
Also, I’m sure Annheiser Busch is thrilled to be listed in the same paragraph as “remaining (a) key partner for all North America-based CT events” Michelob ULTRA, which is stylized in all uppercase so you know it is the ELITE choice for North American surfers.
This is all intentional. The WSL has almost as many people following them on Facebook as Major League Baseball (6.8 million vs 7.2 million), twice the amount as Major League Soccer (3.2 million), and about 50% more than the National Hockey League (4.5 million). While using Facebook as a true measuring stick is problematic, the company they keep shows their immense popularity. Those other organizations would not think twice about jumping on any marketing plan that leads to the slightest bump in profits, and neither will the WSL. Sponsorship touting and the expansion of brand partnerships are inevitable.
They already have all the big sports sponsorships in place. When it’s time to sit down on my couch, open up Facebook, and watch the live stream of the next contest, I can relax knowing that the WSL has taken care of all of my needs. I have Budweiser AND Michelob ULTRA for maximum hydration, Red Bull to keep me awake and hyped for the event, and my Boost Mobile phone close by so I can stay connected with all my buddies. Afterward, I will think about mixing a Jose Cuervo margarita in a Hydroflask and driving my all-new 2019 Jeep Grand Cherokee on BF Goodrich tires to the mall to buy some sweet surf gear from Quiksilver and Billabong. However, I will then remember that drinking and driving is never a good idea. Instead, I will opt for getting drunker on my couch and ordering clothing online. Because I am a responsible adult.
But all of this brand loyalty has made me hungry. What do I do for sustenance, World Surf League?
Watching every other major sport instantly triggers a desire to consume a certain type of foodstuff. Baseball has the hotdog. Hockey has poutine. The NFL is so massive in America that it lays claim to both nachos and hot wings. But surfing lacks a sponsor that can shove my money in their pockets while I shove their food in my face.
Insert: Mexican food.
The burrito is a staple of any surfer’s post-session meal. I would argue that the San Diego style burrito, in particular, is the perfect food. Its genius lies in that it simultaneously takes a less is more and a more of less approach. Where other burrito types are weighed down with tons of other ingredients, the San Diego style burrito is here to deliver three things: meat, guacamole, and a shell to contain all of that avocado slathered protein goodness. What it lacks in number of ingredients it makes up for in quantity: roughly half a cow and 13 avocados are packed into a shell that could be easily folded around an averaged size bovine – which is the standard unit of burrito shell measurement.
I know we should be teaching our youth to eat healthily and make smart food choices, but when you expend as much energy as you do surfing, vegetables need to step aside and let the timeless combination of protein and carbs do the heavy lifting. Nothing is going to satiate me quite like a burrito the size of a toddler. And, usually clocking in at under $7, the toddlerrito is going to cost less and offer more than your average fast food combo meal. Also, have you bought broccoli stalks and kale lately? That shit is expensive. The money you save on buying a burrito can be used on the much loved after surf beer. What the children are lacking in nutrition they will make up for in superior accounting skills.
Originally, I planned to argue that there was no need to include other Mexican dishes since the burrito had already attained culinary perfection. But then fish tacos, carne asada fries, and quesadillas knocked on my door and demanded a word with me. They proceeded to dunk me into a vat of salsa verde until I started to “see things their way.”
That’s when I realized that this food sponsorship needs to encompass more than just a dish. It would be easy to single out one food as surfing’s flagbearer – I think poke bowls could make a strong argument – but if we are looking at the bigger picture with future marketing opportunities, the choice needs to be made on an establishment’s entire body of work.
So – who do we choose as a sponsor? In the realm of Big Mexican Food, there are two major players: Taco Bell and Chipotle.
Let’s get this out of the way: Fuck Taco Bell. I am always bewildered at the fact that these can exist on the same block as a local taco shop. Everything tastes like it was made by a middle school cafeteria in the middle of Iowa. It’s what Americans who have never had proper Mexican food assume Mexican food tastes like. This is a concept I can excuse in Iowa, where I expect Taco Bells to thrive; but Bell Country expands all the way into Southern California, which is astounding because SoCal has the best real Mexican food in the United States. You Taco Bellians must really hate yourselves. Their burritos look starved, skinny, and filled with beef of questionable quality. Also, I would bet good money that Taco Bell’s burrito shells cannot envelop a cow.
Chipotle is the other major purveyor of chain Mexican food. And Chipotle is….fine. They certainly get the size right: their burrito shells are of proper proportions and contain a truckload of ingredients. (And sometimes, E. Coli!) It does not arouse my stomach, but there are times where I would like a week’s worth of rice and vegetables combined with a protein fed to me in a burrito shell. 95% of the time I just want a San Diego Style Burrito, though.
There are other national chains to consider: your Del Tacos, El Pollo Locos, or Qdobas, but they either lack the quality of ingredients that Chipotle uses or are not nearly as popular as Taco Bell.
Realistically, I think the WSL would choose Chipotle. They charge extra for guacamole, which is bullshit, and exactly the kind of large corporation shenanigans I would expect the WSL to get behind. “Should we charge the customer extra for one of the mainstay ingredients that they love, after already charging them much more than their local burrito place where guac is included in the price? Of course! That makes perfect sense!”
But since this is my blog, I am selecting with my heart. I am biased towards all things Southern California, so I am going with local legends Sombrero (immortalized by Poway’s Blink-182) as the most perfect food sponsorship pairing for the WSL. Do you know what’s delicious at Sombrero? Their everything. Seriously, order whatever you want to off of their menu. You will not be disappointed.
Imagine if you will: there is a break between heats at the Billabong Pipe Masters. The last contestants are paddling/towed in, while the next wait on the shore. There’s a bit of downtime, so it’s the perfect opportunity for an ad read. An animated surfer riding a burrito flies onto your screen like a PowerPoint transition.
“And I’m sure after that last heat, our competitors worked up quite an appetite,” Joe Turpel will begin. “The next time you are hungry before or after a session, stop by your local Sombrero for the best in burritos, tacos, nachos, and more. Sombrero: Get it Just Because. Yeah, Just Because.” It’s perfect.
This is the end of the article, since I now need to get a burrito.
